#B90X - DAY 54 - Good Design is Honest

b90x

#1

It does not make a product more innovative, powerful or valuable than it really is. It does not attempt to manipulate the consumer with promises that cannot be kept.

I’ve found that being honest to other people isn’t hard.
What I’ve found is hard, is being honest with myself.

The reason why we lie to ourselves is something called "cognitive dissonance."
We experience cognitive dissonance when we have an uncomfortable tension between who we believe we are and how we are behaving.

While it’s sometimes easy to catch yourself in the moment, it’s hard to change direction once you’re in it.

I find the most telling and revealing way to know whether you’re being honest with yourself and others is when we feel resentment. Resentment is one of the most powerful emotions given to us by our biology.

Let’s say that you’re hanging out with a group of people… and during the conversations, someone in that group digs on you a bit, a funny joke to most, but it took you by surprise and you let it slide. Seeing that you let that joke about you slide, then a bit later comes another dig. This one hurts a bit more, but again, you let it slide.

You go home. You begin to boil. Why did you let them speak to you that way? Why didn’t you stand up to yourself?

These are feelings of resentment. They are POWERFUL tools. Resentment means that you haven’t embraced your shadow (as Carl Jung would say).

You weren’t true to yourself.

We lie to ourselves in many ways:

  1. Ignorance - Shooing away feedback
  2. Denial of reality - Mostly, that we have a problem.
  3. Self-handicapping - Uncertain about abilities, and downplay them
  4. Projection of a persona - Being who we think others would like us to be
  5. Overconfidence - Thinking you’re special
  6. Reducing desire because of failure (Sour grapes) Aesops fable about the fox - Giving up

In today’s B90X, let us know! How are you lying to yourself today?


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#2

I was only 20 when I decided to start a family. At that young age, I was of course all knowing. It wasn’t until my kids started getting older that they made it quite clear in different ways, that Mom wasn’t exactly the model Mom.

Brief example. Someone would call to visit. I’d make up a excuse as to why I couldn’t. This was a blatant lie. In my own mind, this was ok. What could it hurt? To my kids, this was totally the opposite of what I had been teaching them. Yikes!

@Terence & I try our best to unearth things about ourselves that we’d often rather avoid. He’s helped me bring to the surface some of the things I didn’t want to acknowledge. Sure it can sting, but it’s for my betterment. I do the same with him. It’s really remarkable what can happen when you have a partner not afraid to call you out.

We’ll watch this video together tonight, and respond. :wink:


#3

Time is just flying…
Can’t believe it is day 54!
I lied myself for years that I could not work on my cars :slight_smile: but now I can do most jobs :smiley:
Overconfidence: As a software guy, sometimes I do pride my work too much… I think we(software guys) are so special… There is always someone better :slight_smile:


#4

I’m not happy with a lot of things and constantly notice this so I don’t know where I’m lying to myself

I watched the video again and I realized that though I am honest with myself I am not transparent with other people

It might be good to say what I am thinking more often. I’m an introvert so this is not natural


#5

Introspection is the beginning of change.


#6

“I don’t have time or will make some changes in my live when possible”.
It’s a lie; its procrastination.
And I know that.
I have to make things posssible. Find/make time. Execute the chances.
Have to leave the excuses and go to action.


#7

Every day is a day to begin. Many, push that date till their death and never truly begin.


#8

You dropping some serious knowledge in this thread man. Adding that to my list of quotes forsure.


#9

I was approached by a competing brokerage about joining their team about a month ago and I turned them down. They contacted me last week and essentially doubled their offer! This offer is way better than my current deal and the environment at the competing brokerage is much more stimulating and high energy. I am lying to myself about being OK turning them down and staying with my current deal, because I could be smashing all that extra money into that CHUCK and Bitcoin! I am planning on talking to my current brokerage to see if they will match the offer, but the real question I need to get honest about is whether or not I’d be willing to stay if they did match it. I will be thinking about this today. While writing this it is becoming clear to me that I need to answer the questions of what my long term plan/goal is and which option helps me get their the fastest and most effectively.


#10

Entry points. Everywhere.


#11

I really appreciated your post. My only advice is to look at both brokerages & see which is a better fit for you. What is their philosophy, work atmosphere?


#12

I’m going to have to think about this one. I will be cognizant over the next several days. I’m honest to a fault. It’s not always appropriate to voice that honesty necessarily. But am I always honest to myself? I’m sure there’s something and I’ll be paying attention to see what it might be. Self-awareness is the key to living right.


#13

I really enjoyed this B90X! Solid.

I had been lying to myself re my job.
I’d be hating on it for quite a while but just pushing it to the side not realising that unhappiness can resonate into other areas of your life… Till a couple weeks ago when i had other personal shit break down which then i just couldn’t be fuckd going to work. This is my second week of taking time away from work.
I was able to speak to work & let them know how i was feeling regarding my job & it looks like they will be finding me a change of position - which is great as i’ll be able to have a fresh mind into the work again but we will see next week.

Point is to always listen to what you are honestly feeling inside, speak about it so actions can be taken.


#14

I lie to myself so much I can’t even write it down.


#15

I’m lying that I don’t care about the debt I’m in and that work is the most important thing to me.


#16

This is a difficult one, the best b90x’s usually are.

How am I lying to myself?

When going through difficult times I usually lie to myself and convince myself that I can do it on my own and don’t need help. This usually goes hand in hand with projecting a persona of someone that is strong and trying to be the person that I think others want to see. I did this previously until I got insomnia and eventually collapsed, since then I have been getting better at asking for help when I need it.

At the moment I’m convincing myself that working in my current job won’t be that bad so that I can save up a little more money. I know that it is going to take a lot of energy from what I want to do with my life.


#17

I always try to get frequent feedback and I think that it causes an internal conflict based on that feedback, and that erodes some of my confidence at times. I have a strong personality and strong beliefs (ok, really stubborn), but this feedback will cause me to internally question my approach or direction more than it should. This tug-a-war effects me more than I will usually admit; consequently, I will sometimes change my approach when I should have stuck to my guns, other times I will revert to my default dictatorial environment when I should have listened to others, or at least integrate their ideas. I have gotten better over time and have tried to use transparency to battle it, but … if I am being honest… I struggle with the balance.


#18

Until we become perfect, there is always room to improve. I like feedback because often it’s what emerges from the feedback that is better than the feedback itself.


#19

One of my biggest problems is I don’t express myself well. I do let people poke and jab sometimes. I don’t let it bother me most of the time but sometimes I do get stuck with the why did I just let that happen feeling.


#20

Hadn’t heard the fox and the grapes in a while…
I realize I’ve been selling myself the idea that it would be ok to not write that book I’ve been wanting to write and start that center I’ve been wanting to start.
I’m gonna have to readjust the current plan…